Sofia's fight for health

Going to bed together at 8:30 pm (regular bedtime is 10:30) because you had a long cold day and need cuddles.

I’ve tried microwaving some fruit and adding yogurt to it, but that’s it. I need stuff that will help me stay warm.

I’m at home most of my day, so I can cook if needed.

Last night, as we were getting to my bff’s mum’s birthday party, Hugo was telling me about what had happened at work.

I was stressed because I had been busy all day and gotten nothing done, the traffic was killing me, he had judged me twice already for things he would have done better (and that I should have done better) and picking the worst way to their house was going to be the third time.

When we stopped at the last red light behind a huge line of cars, I interrupted him to say I had never seen that many cars there, that taking that turn doesn’t lead to many places, basically, rant.

Nevertheless I interrupted him. He noticed. And proceeded to tell me I never listed, I go on and on about our kitty or about stuff I do, but I rarely ask what he’s done or act as if I’m interested on his job. And refused to tell me the rest of the story.

I don’t think he’s being fair. I always ask him how was his day, he’s the one that answers “fine” and moves on. I rarely ask much about his job, because most of the time it seems like he doesn’t really like what he’s doing, or is always doing the same and the only things he can tell me about his job are so specific I barely understand a word he’s saying. But even so, two days ago I asked him specifically what he did on the weekend-job and I listened carefully while he explained a million specific things about his job.

But it still got me thinking. do I really not ask about him as much as I should? Am I really that self-absorbed?

He says he’s not mad, but he won’t talk to me about what happens at work anymore either. So I can’t even try to change now.

I’ve decided to take on the hotel part-time job and tell the other company I’m not as available as they’d need me, but, if they’re interested, I’m still available for freelance and after February I’ll be free to work with them full time.

So I went back there today for one last interview with the CEO and too them that. But they kept asking me, what about a fixed schedule job, would that work for me? I kept telling them I wasn’t the person they were looking for right now and they kept asking me what would work for me.

Arg.

I know it should make me feel good to know I’m that good that they’d be willing to think about a different schedule for me, but when all I wanted was to tell them I’m not taking the job because I have a better offer… it’s not that great.

They’ll let me know something by monday, but I hope they understood I’m not wanting to work with them full-time at the moment.

Hi Ladies!

I am participating in a secret sister gift exchange which is a fun way to spread holiday cheer this year. Anyone interested in joining in? It doesn’t matter where you live - you are welcome to join.

I need 6 (or more!) ladies of any age to participate in a secret sister gift exchange. You only have to buy ONE gift valued at $10 or more and send it to one secret sister and you will receive 6-36 gifts in return!

Please don’t ask to participate if you are not willing to spend the $10.

Let me know if you are interested and I will send you the information!

Right now I have two job offers on the table.

1 - Graphic design internship on a quite large brande of portuguese shoes. It’s a 30 min drive from my house (but I do have to drive there and back). It’s 5 days a week from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, probably later most days, monday-friday. The pay is around 700€ after taxes.

2 - Hotel manager/receptionist for a boutique hotel (which belongs to Hugo’s best friends). It’s a 15 min walk from my house (no need to drive/spend money on gas). It’s a 2 days a week thing but the days vary, I’d do one weekend day every 15 days, the hours might be like 8 am to 10 pm but I’d be free to do whatever during most of the time and they have a shared office/internet for me to use. The pay is around 300€ after taxes.

Although the 2nd job offer pays less, I’d still be free to finish my thesis, do some freelancing, keep other guest-house jobs I currently have and keep my blog/invest time into the bakery project. The money wouldn’t be enough to live on, I’d still have to accept my parents’ help and probably use money from our guest-houses (we’ve been making some money but keeping it in a separate account which we don’t use for stuff that doesn’t regard the houses). Also it’s working for friends, which I’m not sure I’m comfortable with.

The 1st job offer would teach me more about design, I’d actually work for a real large-scale company, and would pay me enough to be financially independent from my parents. I’d probably be tired most of the time and wouldn’t be able to finish my thesis (or it would be extremely hard), I’d have less time for myself (stress I believe let to my cancer). Also, we plan on opening the bakery next spring, which would mean ceasing my contract before time and I don’t feel right taking the job knowing I will probably quite before the contract is up.

I have to make up my mind by the end of next week. What do you guys think?

steen-to-be-a-marathoner said: Everything causes cancer though and I feel half that stuff is bullshit. Like they say chicken does, too much eggs, being in the sun etc etc. it’s almost like they need to stop trying to blame foods for cancer because they blame everything

A lot of things might cause cancer. I haven’t eaten red meat in over 10 years, I don’t smoke, I rarely get tanned, I don’t drink too much, I exercise regularly, I drink enough water and I sleep 7-8 hours every day. And I still had cancer.

But if I know something causes cancer - like, say, smoke - I will try my best not to do it. If I can lower my chances (which are already pretty high) shouldn’t I try?

And yes, pretty much everything we do nowadays might cause cancer, but I really don’t want to move to the middle of the forest and catch my own food. I also don’t want to cut out sugar completely (and I know cutting sugar out helped me get rid of my cancer), I don’t want to stop eating bread entirely and I don’t want to be a vegan. But I try to do it as much as possible.

I haven’t eaten red meat in over 10 years and I feel no need to do so ever again - it was my choice and it still is my choice every single day.

However, I would never push anyone else to do the same although everyone keeps telling me to “stop being picky” or “this is not red meat, it’s pork” or stuff along the lines of “the vegetables you eat are also full of chemicals”.

Firstly, no one would ever feel threatened by my life choices if they didn’t think it was actually a better choice that they don’t want to make.

Anyway, I posted about this new WHO thing on my Facebook saying “next time you ask me why…”. And people, people who I had in high consideration in terms of intelligence, actually commented stuff like “at least I’ll die happy. Yum”.

Let’s get some things straight:

• No matter what you don’t tell a cancer patient that you wouldn’t mind having cancer. You just don’t.
• The worst part about cancer isn’t dying. Everyone dies eventually and when you’re gone the pain ends. The hard part about cancer is all the pain and suffering you go through. It’s the treatments that you willingly take and kill you slowly from the inside out. It’s never knowing when the treatment might not work or when the cancer might be back and you have to endure all that pain and suffering again.
• I didn’t say people shouldn’t eat red meat. I also think people should workout regularly, drink water, sleep 8 hours and eat enough fruit and vegetables but I don’t tell anyone to do it. Everyone is free to do whatever they want with their lives, I’m just justifying my choice.
• Cancer sucks. And I know it first hand. Please don’t even try to start an argument.

It seems that life has gotten so busy and everything is falling into place and I don’t update or feel the need to update any of my social networks anymore, even though I check them on a daily basis.

Things with Hugo have had ups and downs. I had a couple of bad self-esteem weeks and that reflected on us - which is definitely not good. But we’re growing stronger every time and planning on a future together (wow, this might be too soon).

I’ve been working on being a better person for myself - taking better care of myself, taking more time for me and trying to finish up projects that were left open. I’ve also been trying to take more time for me even when I’m with Hugo and trying to think more about what he might be needing/feeling than about what I want - which might not sound like a good thing but is, because it means giving him more space and giving myself more space even when we’re together.

My workouts have been pretty consistent and I can feel my body change. My eating hasn’t been as great, but I’m working on it.

The food truck isn’t happening - we’ve researched it, had a bunch of meeting with factories that make them and realised it was going to be way more expensive than we had anticipated. So we’re now looking into opening a café downtown - very very exciting.

My kitty is also becoming more and more loveable, which is really cute. I might be over reacting a bit and might have become one of those parents (yes, I’m her mommy, Hugo is her daddy) who stick their kid’s pet’s pictures on your face and tell you about each step they took… No regrets!